Car noises, going, going…
Ah, car noises. When I was about three years old (so I have been told) I used to guess what car was going past our house by identifying its exhaust note, while hiding behind the curtains. And, (apparently), I would be successful most of the time. Even now, I can ‘hear’ those distinctive noises in my head, the ‘farty’ exhaust note of a Morris Minor, curiously completely different to an Austin with the same BMC A-series motor. Then there was the ‘purr’ of a Jaguar or the sharp, smooth ‘bark’ of a 2 -stroke Commer lorry! Yes, even some lorries sounded good back then.
Car sounds today
Can you imagine a three-year-old, or anyone else for that matter, managing to play this game successfully today? I know how hard it is because I’ve tried it again recently. Sadly, I only manage to successfully detect one in twenty car sounds while sitting behind the blinds.
The only distinctive modern car exhaust note emanated from a Subaru WRX, all the others were all ‘utes’ including the 1980’s Ford Falcon ‘six’ belonging to our local handyman, a Mitsubishi V6 ute with a blown exhaust and an HSV Commodore V8.
The other cars, the usual flotsam, and jetsam that most people drive make a kind of bland, generic noise – modern Toyota’s, Fords, Mercedes – Benz, Volvo’s and so on, all sound much the same to me. At low speeds, I hear the occasional horrible ‘rattle’ from the diesel’s and wonder why they’re so popular (yes, I do know they’re economical. Fortunately, the well-insulated interior of current cars means only those outside have to listen to the truck-like sound of their engines. The only diesel I enjoyed listening to was an 8 litre, turbocharged V8 diesel in a GMC pick up I rented in Canada a few years ago – it sounded like Kenworth truck with an aftermarket exhaust!
Electric cars – the whining starts here
Of course, with an increase of electric cars on the roads, only the low-rumble of their tyres is audible, accompanied by a faint electric ‘whine.’ Is the latter sound real, or just imaginary? I know manufacturers are talking about creating a false ‘engine’ noise so we can detect when we’re about to be run over. Very contrived, but at least we might not get run over. Perhaps they’ll add a sweet-sounding V8 exhaust note to the next generation, Tesla. No, I don’t think so either.
The Prius – hard to love
My wife would say the most vocal noise around made by any passing Prius is from me, usually grumbling about how slowly it’s being driven. Truth be told, I’ve rented quite a few of them and must admit they aren’t too bad at all, except I find the mechanical silence is curiously mismatched by its ordinariness of ride and general lack of refinement. For some reason, I think a near the muted method of propulsion would be best matched by a really quiet and comfortable ride, like in a hydro-pneumatic Citroen, for example.
To me, an electric Citroen C6 would be far more appealing than a ‘ludicrous’ mode Tesla. Ideally, I think an electric car should look avant-garde, like the BMW i3 and i8. Ironically, the i8 sounds pretty good to my ears too, with that little 3 -cylinder growing away, assisting the silent electric motor. Clearly, I’m a lost cause.
In search of noise
There are, of course, some very desirable – sounding cars still in production (for now, at least). Sadly, the only time I hear appealing car noises is when I go into Sydney and see/hear the odd Audi R8, Porsche GT3, Ferrari or AMG Mercedes, most of them stuck in traffic jams and, hopefully, released for some fun at the weekend. I know a few are properly exercised at track day outings, although I suspect many more are bought for the purpose of showing off outside the local cafe. What a waste.
Turbos – good, but not sounding so good
The increase in turbo-powered, petrol engines is another nail in the coffin for acoustically- aware car enthusiasts like me. I was sharply reminded of this when I took my current model V8 Mustang in for a service the other day and was given the keys to a four-cylinder Turbo Mustang loan car. No question, it went really well and felt little slower than the quad-cam V8, yet it sounded about as exciting as Hi-Ace van.
Couldn’t Ford have tried to tune the exhaust note to make just a slightly sportier noise? Perhaps not, even Porsche seems to have failed the test with their flat-four Boxster and Cayman. My last daily driver was an Abarth Fiat 595 ( a 1.4 turbo ‘four’ ) that always made pleasant and eager sounds, so I know it is possible. Mind you, the Italians always know how to make nice-sounding cars.
Why I don’t need ‘ludicrous’ mode
I still read far too many car magazines and have noticed that the current breed of motoring journalist is becoming increasingly enthusiastic about our electric – powered future (influenced by a need to hang on their jobs in the future?). They point out how electric cars can out accelerate even the fastest petrol – powered exotics, especially when you sit at the traffic lights for a few minutes while programming ‘ludicrous’ mode, so you can make your passenger’s nose bleed in less than 2.5 seconds, or less. Really, who cares?
Sure, it might be a one-off thrill for those “ I love my Tesla” converts, though I struggle to imagine how engaging or enchanting our electric mobility machines might be on a favourite winding back road at the weekend. Even if they did handle well, I would miss the involvement of changing gear and listening to a sweet-revving engine.
Interestingly, I did watch a Tesla being hammered around the Nordschleife recently on YouTube and it went quite well for a while. Then it overheated its battery and had to slow right down. A decent effort while it lasted though.
Watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Greenpeace talks speed
I heard the boss of Greenpeace talk about electric cars vs petrol on the radio the other day. He declared that electric cars will be much more fun to drive than any petrol-powered machines because “ they’re so much faster.” Well, clearly the bloke doesn’t know much about driving. Mate, it isn’t about speed.
This is something my non-car-loving friends don’t understand about car nuts like me. They say things like, “I bet you love taking that thing ( my 911 or Mustang) out on the freeway. “ Or, after I return from a Track Day outing, “how fast did you get up to?” What can you say? If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.
Sure, going fast can be fun, but not in a straight line. It’s a novelty that soon wears off, or loses your driving license. No, the real enjoyment of driving is to be found on a nice, quiet, challenging country road with lots of bends and elevation, where you can feel the balance of the car, where you can execute heel and toe (manuals only, of course) as you change down and take the right line on every turn. As most of us know, any fool can drive fast on a straight road. But they will often be clueless when a road twists and turns – the roads petrolheads love the most.
Track days?
Track Days are similarly fulfilling in a different way. No need to worry about speed limits and more chances to explore ultimate braking and cornering capabilities. I love them although I’m not a fan of pounding around a circuit for hours on end. It’s too hard on me and my car. An hour or two is usually enough for me to get the lure of high speed driving out of my system.
None of this will make any sense to Mister Greenpeace, or to non-car enthusiasts, I know.
Back to noise
Electric cars will become faster, their ranges will become longer, and be kinder to the environment than fossil-fuel powered cars. Sadly, they are unlikely to demonstrate any audible delights or distinctive qualities for car enthusiasts.
I just don’t care if silent electric cars go fast because speed without a nice noise is never going to make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck like, say, a V12 Ferrari, flat-six Porsche or, say, an old-school Honda Type R can. For me, the joy and character of cars until now has usually been defined by the motor that powers them. This ranges from humble flat-twin, multi-cylinder exotic.
For many car nuts like me, the variety and timbre of the sounds of a petrol-engined car working hard is an intrinsic part of the appeal. Not that I desire a loud noise in every car I drive. A luxury car like a Rolls Royce Phantom might be powered by a V12, although it’s so quiet and refined, it might as well be all- electric. They’ve already tested one in prototype form and it does make sense for such a car.
My cars tend to be sporty though, so a degree of engine ‘music’ is something I enjoy.
Bliss – a radio that doesn’t work
This might explain why I haven’t bothered to fix the broken radio in my Porsche 911 Carrera 2 (964) for the last 5 years. Whenever I take it for a run I’m happy to listen to the air-cooled flat-six working away, rather than a music station. Mention car sounds to most people though and they’ll think you’re talking about audio systems. When I think about it, I’ve never really liked to listen to loud music in any car. This is because I feel less connected to the car and I can concentrate without a distraction.
Best-sounding cars ever – my top 10 (no particular order)
- 1990 Mazda 787 Le Mans
- 2003 Porsche Carrera GT
- 1975 Porsche 911 RSR
- 2012 Lexus LFA
- 1981 Audi Quattro S1 Group B
- 1962 Ferrari GTO
- 1959 Saab 93 GT
- 1965 Ford GT40
- 1973 Matra 670 V12
- 1936 Mercedes Benz W25
There’s no shortage of other contenders for a list of endearing car sounds like mine. So, if anyone would like to add their favourites, well, I’m all ears. What’s a bit depressing though is how hard it might be to update this list in the future.
The sound of silence
However fast electric cars will become in the future, it’s hard to imagine them being acoustically exciting car noises. All volts and no decibels, I imagine. The technology to feed virtual exhaust notes into the cabin already exists, as we all know. And what a crappy substitute for reality that has already proved itself to be. Rather like Formula E, compared to real motor racing – no, let’s not go there either.
In 2035, how many little kids will turn their heads when electric Ferrari whistles silently past? Will it sound more interesting than the electric milk float the milkman drove when I was a small boy? Sadly, I doubt it.
